Some of us can trace family lineages in London back centuries. Most of us, however, made here a home for university or work, to make our fortune (so how did that go…) and never left. At Christmas we retreat to our respective motherships, with visions of cavernous houses, local pubs and old familiar past locales. It is no surprise the ‘Christmas getaway’ seems to encapsulate travelling North from the South East. However, what do we come to realise in this annual re-set?
London is Big
How long did it actually take to get from one side of your home town to the other? Thought so. You’re so used to a combination of buses and tubes, yet just one bus home from the station takes ten minutes or so.
London has Really Good transport
Returning by train means you likely use the local bus service to get to your parents’. This is likely the same service you used for years, from your early social life of meeting up for McDonalds to your first pint down the Wetherspoons. You know the exact bus stop, only to find your Oyster isn’t going to cut it. Nor even contactless. You realise standardisation of a ‘currency’ is a blessing. In this writer’s case study of the city of mires, Reading, they have their own card which he had obviously forgotten and have a draconian no change policy.
Nothing at Home has Changed
In the mayhem of London, you have formed your own mythology of your lifestyle. As far as your concerned, you have been leading a life of commutes, powerful desk jobs, after work drinks and hedonistic weekend parties (or week parties for that matter). Nevertheless, in the Shires much is the same as it has been for the last century. Of course, you may hear complaints about developments of a few luxury flats, quite apart from the fact in London we have actual gas towers now being turned into feature property. Maybe the local pub is a Greene King now, but basically its the same old shit.
You’re Bored
We live in a fast paced environment of hyper-stimulation. You’re at the pub, you get a text saying ‘come here’, you meet your friend with a group. They’re heading on somewhere else and you go along. Your plans of an evening in watching Family Guy and eating crisps don’t quite materialise. You have a job and maybe a side-hustle or two. You’re hearing about opportunities and ambitions. Blue plaques remind you that you walk in the footsteps of world-leading pioneers. Even that pub you started in probably has a whole history of big name regulars.
Sat in, to be fair, a nice big heated house, your family don’t quite offer the same level of engagement. The endless steam of almost public domain films can’t draw you away from the discussions and witticisms occurring on your phone’s social media, so you spend the majority of the time on that. Suddenly you are reassured that your inflated rent price might just be worthwhile after all.
At Home, They Don’t Care About Your Bullshit
Your designer clothes. Certain items of jewellery. The Egyptian Oudh fragrance you bought at Camden Market. The items we desire in London seem to lose their meaning once outside the bubble, and everyone else just wants to burst it. ‘Why’ and ‘what is the point’ you probably hear a lot to your anecdotes. Don’t even mention any rooftop bars. It’s not even a case of seeming greedy, since your hand to mouth existence works within liberal metropolitan circles that mean you keep returning to your concerns about homelessness, gentrification and Brexit.
Television is Crap
This year seemed especially bad. Mainly because Frozen was on BBC1 on Christmas Day. Nevertheless, as soon as people started retiring to bed, suddenly there was the recent Great Expectations adaption and Love Actually. Boxing day morning it was the Peter Jackson Tintin adaption. This schedule has left much to be desired, with endless flicking through Carry On films much of Christmas Day causing families to separate into phones and newly acquired books.
You Fear Age, Desperately.
No one can avoid it. However, at least in London the bulk of the population is still reasonably young and bendy. Go a generation up and conversations turn to eye operations, broken bones, dementia and terminal illness. This sparks many concerns- firstly that your own nearest and dearest are hurtling headlong into this age of uncertainty. Once you worried about your grandparents, yet within a few years the baton seems to have been passed. Secondly, you begin to associate yourself with this bubble as if you too should avoid that pork pie, when back In London you quite happily quaffed five pints before a kebab.
The Trains are F&^ked
Escape back to London? Forget it. Southern Rail is screwed. The Last Grace Western is also screwed. If it’s not repair work it’s industrial action.
Sales
You had been looking forward to seeing your family for weeks. Now, in search of life and energy you hit the sales, online or in person. Kind of defeats the whole object, given you came home from London with it’s vast department stores to see family and now you go and hit the nearest Debenhams alone.
The Food
Let’s not forget the best bit. Your family likely keep a rather better fridge than your draw-sized freezer box- in a cupboard of a fridge- in a box of a room four floors up- and a twenty minute walk to the supermarket with only two hands capacity.
The post Time off? Things You Realise About London appeared first on Felix Magazine.
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