Politics: Corbyn exposed as “actually a nice guy”

With his warm eyes and weary expression you would be forgiven for thinking that Jeremy Corbyn is the zealous man of hard-Left principles that he seems. But Felix Magazine can reveal that Corbyn is actually a really nice guy.. Sitting on the floor in the train or wiping the baked beans from his beard are actual things for our Jeremy.

The harsh spotlight of the general election campaign has stripped away the Labour leader’s preferred image as a hard line firebrand to expose him as a thoroughly decent bloke who seems to have deliberately avoided the responsibilities of high office for the past three decades by adopting political positions designed to keep him on Labour’s backbenches.

Raised in a comfortably middle-class home, Corbyn was a bright child but did not exactly put his head down to work hard at high school, barely qualifying for any form of higher education. For most of his 34 years at Westminster he has enjoyed the comfortable life of an outsider, stubbornly dodging any chance of promotion by carving out a career-hampering record as the single most rebellious Labour MP for three straight decades.

Somehow, like the Peter Sellers character in “Being There” who inexplicably rises to the top, the Member for Islington North last year ended up as leader of the Labour Party anyway.

How Did This Happen?

Desperate to avoid the hard work that would come with being Prime Minister, Corbyn did everything he could to make himself unelectable. He alienated almost every heavyweight MP in his own party and chose not to campaign hard against Brexit in last year’s referendum, earning the contempt of many natural Labour supporters.

When Theresa May saw that as an opportunity to call a snap election Corbyn did his best to throw the contest. He put forward Diane Abbott and Emily Thornberry to represent him in as many interviews as possible and released a manifesto that spoke about renationalising railways and increasing some taxes, strengthening the fury of Fleet Street.

But the unmatched level of television exposure afforded to party leaders during any campaign meant that average voters have for the first time had the chance to see and hear Corbyn without the mediation of the tabloid newspapers. Corbyn’s standing in the polls rose when he adopted the surprise debate tactic of actually turning up.

Millions of voters were shocked to find that behind the bearded mask of the “Apologist for Terror” and loony communist was a perfectly reasonable character who was not ashamed of his own Left-wing policies but was also willing to listen to other views. It started to become clear he was actually an ok dude.

Where it went wrong

By election day some members of the public suspected that Corbyn was not an unelectable Trot after all. His devious attempt to sabotage his party with a manifesto upholding traditional Labour values had actually won over many undecided voters as well as those who wanted “anything but the Tory candidate.”

Re-nationalise the railways? Well, that’s quite a good idea, right? Any user of First Great Western has to wonder where the money from their rising fares has gone. Free university education? Defending public services? The media hammered Corbyn, as he had planned, but he underestimated how much the public quite appreciates the NHS, police and schools.

Did you really fall for the sight of “Jezza” leaving his overgrown Islington home dressed like a 1980s geography teacher? Even his cliched bike and helmet managed to fool the press and public as effective statements of “don’t vote for this Communist loon”.

That tired exterior actually hides a lavish home, an image of which was snapped by an Ocado delivery man. Far from his “beans on toast” image of austerity Corbyn is quite likely just an all round decent bloke.

 

by Stewart Vickers @VickHellfire

 

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