A Canadian Thinks London Men Are Sexist

Are London men sexist? Across the pond London is seen as a wonderful and exciting place. A city where there is no “us vs. them” mentality, instead a place where you can be who you want and what you want with little risk of judgement or discrimination. A place where you don’t have to get married at 22 if you don’t want to, you can be complete without kids if you decide they are just not for you, and the lines between “gender roles” are not super-rigid. At least, that’s what movies and the media have led me and many other Canadian women to believe.

But five years after I shifted to London it is becoming increasingly apparent that maybe women here are expected to have careers only until they get married, that men are happy to have intellectual conversations with you as long as you “play the part”, and that you can be who you want and what you want as long as it’s pleasing to them. Erm… what?

Canadian women are brought up to be strong and independent. When you grow up in an environment a bit like a tundra you don’t really have a choice. So when you come from a place where it helps to be a Spartan woman, imagine my reaction when told by several men how I should be dressing, what music I should like as a woman, what beer brand is “a man’s drink”, and what I need to change about my career if I am “ever going to get a husband”. I’m sorry, did I take a time machine back to the 1920’s instead of a plane to London?

In a metropolitan environment where the gender roles have been blurred, where it is okay for men to get manicures and spend more on shoes than rent, why is it not okay for women to drink craft beer and choose board meetings over play dates?

A friend was out one weekend and got chatting with a lovely “born and bred” London man. The usual first-encounter conversation, with a bit of flirtation, eventually led to the subject of what they each did for a living. He worked in finance and my friend in the tattoo industry. To my friend’s surprise he ended the conversation with a declaration of disgust. “If I knew you had tattoos we would not be having this conversation. Girls with tattoos are rebellious and are not the type of girl you could take home to mum.” An amazing insight into someone you have just met, wouldn’t you say?

Tattoos may not be your thing, but how can they define somebody else’s character? And it is not only girls with tattoos. Another friend of mine was ridiculed for owning her own company, another for her short hair, another for being childless in her 30’s… the list goes on. Where did this come from? Wasn’t London supposed to be where you could reinvent yourself into whoever you wanted to be without ridicule, least of all from our male counterparts?

When did London shift from gender equality to “gender equality as long as the women still fit our definition of the ideal”? I’m sure there are plenty of you amazing London men out there who would be proud to have an outdoor-loving, concert-going, career-driven, adventure-addicted girl on your arm, the type who is equally happy wearing a skirt or trousers. So speak up, I have some friends I can introduce you to.

 

by Natasha MacKenzie­

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