Have you ever noticed how lager is viewed as uncouth, yet red wine is some sort of polite and civilised saint? We are calling time on this feudal hierarchy- and the only way to beat it is to understand it. Who is the ‘model’ drinker of each beverage? What judgement do you condemn yourself to when at the bar?
The Lager Lout
If you are over thirty, it’s derogatory. If under thirty, it’s a rite of passage. Every bar in the country has a set of pumps for you. That said, there is something of a classic in lager. From high end bars to humble pubs, the ease of keeping lager means it is a favourite of many. Nevertheless, people still think your next order is going to be a Jaegerbomb.
The Ale Enthusiast
The Real Ale enthusiast cries ‘fizzy pop’ at the above. Doom Bar is your usual at the majority of places. You are more at home in traditional pubs than trendy bars. If you do find yourself in the latter, you will spend the majority of the time complaining. That is until you realise there are bottles of Old Speckled Hen tucked away in the fridge next to the Coronas and J2Os.
The Stout
The bar staff had better know how to pour Guiness just right. Chances are you can get through about five of these faster than those less experienced can manage one. Possibly because you carry your own spoon. Any round is quickly delivered as there’s no doubting whose the black foaming one is. You have a reputation. It means you are easy to guess for if someone buys whilst your in the bogs. If you are female then men raise their eyebrows in admiring surprise when you order one of these.
The Martini Man (and alliterative gender equivalents)
The top of the tree, the cocktail fan doesn’t really get out much. Going out for cocktails is a big thing for you, hence your saved up booze-budget happily covers a few bright concoctions with salt around the rims. You will insist that whatever classic cocktail you have ordered should be served in just the way they have.
Your friends might simply order whatever choices seem to list the most booze in the ingredients while you set them right on how cranberry juice and other waterings down are vital to appreciate whatever overpriced boutique gin is in there. Not that you can tell the difference.
The Red Wine Wonder
All the stereotypes of swilling and connoiseurship are actually quite correct here. You see this drink as a hobby and interest. At home you wouldn’t buy a bottle for less than £7 and you are impressed by organic and bio-wines.
The White Wino
If you drink white, apparently you go straight for the cheapest bottle on the shelf. In reality, you have probably had quite a rushed day and appreciate something light and refreshing rather than the full body of a Cabernet Sauvingnon. ‘Body’… that’s a word you have to hear from the Red Wine Wonder all evening. Still, later in the evening you may splash and upgrade to a glass of Prosecco, top of the booze ladder.
The Newky Nail
If beer and stouts had a kind of Neanderthal appeal as a Freudian bucket of manliness, Newky Brown is at the top of the tree. Your penchant for this brand is such that you will pay for the bottle price at a bar that is significantly more than the draft ales and lagers. Real Ale fans view this as a substitute when the taps only have lager. This is a popular choice of the Heavy Metal fraternity. Speaking of which…
The Bourbon Booze Basher
With interests in emulating Bikers and Lemmy Kilmister, Jack Daniels is the signature of Dave from IT, or so he believes. Whatever your tastes, you probably have a lot of facial hair. You definitely don’t follow the crowd. Every time you go out you end up with the same conversation of ‘Bore-bon’ vs ‘Burbun’, which matters apparently.
The post Booze Snobbery! How Your Drink Defines You appeared first on Felix Magazine.
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