When you’re faced with a free weekend, it’s hard to know what to do. Should you improve yourself with a hobby? Finally clear out your cupboards and descale the kettle? How about getting some fresh air while the weather isn’t so dismal?
Tempting as all that sounded, I decided instead that some form of torture was necessary. I opted to spend my weekend reading as many Trump tweets as possible. Why did I feel such a need? I’m certainly angry enough as it is, I didn’t really need more fuel for that burning fire.
But Sun Tzu once said you must know your enemy to be victorious. If Trump says the media twists everything he says, then what better way to get to the heart of what he means than his own words. After all, he has the best words: I’d like to put that to the test.
August 2012 – Unpatriotic Wind Turbines
Let’s start off with this tweet made in 2012. Perhaps not the most controversial, but there’s something just so wonderfully farcical about it. Apart from sounding like wind turbines regularly go on bloody-thirsty Friday hunts for bald eagles, he’s somehow managed to make renewable energy the enemy of patriotism. I’m rather surprised he didn’t claim they burned the flag too.*
September 2012 – Blame Kate’s Breasts
This tweet ups the Trump ante a bit. Here’s a throwback to when the media printed topless pictures of Kate Middleton, having taken them over a fence of a private property with a long lens. Despite this, it’s Kate’s fault for being unthinking. Apparently having breasts means you’re blessed enough, don’t expect privacy as well.
October 2012 – Diet Coke Debacle
It’s not the tweet itself, but someone’s response to it that made me laugh so much. Trump has given his unwanted opinion on fat people a few times, charmer that he is. But he seems to have forgotten two things: one, of course those hoping to lose weight drink diet products and two, he drinks Diet Coke and instagrams about it.
October 2012 – Cancer Bulbs
Here’s where Donial’s doctorate in science really pays off. According to Dr Donny, environmentally friendly (which requires quotation marks) are carcinogenic. Oh and scientists are idiots who don’t care if they kill people. On the day he needs a doctor I plan to rock up with popcorn and watch the shitshow unfold.
November 2012 – …say what now?
China
More science abominations. Frankly this one doesn’t need commentary. There’s very little I could do to explain it, so I’ll just leave it here for your viewing pleasure. I will point out however that he misspelt “Ginese”.
May 2013 – Sexual Assault as Expected
This is where idiocy gets dangerous. According to Trump, unreported sexual assault is the natural result of putting men and women together. Of course this is a man who thinks fame gives him the right to sexually assault women, so I guess we shouldn’t be surprised. We should be surprised at the 9,030 likes this statement got. I’d watch out for his sons if he’s passed on the ‘boys will be boys’ belief.†
September 2013 – Haters and Losers on 9/11
Inappropriateness, thy name is Trump. Ignoring the oddity of quoting himself, could he be any less considerate? Managing to mention your petty battles in a commemorative September 11th tweet is low. Calling it a special date also makes it sound like someone proposed marriage rather than mass murder.
Dec 2013 – Obama Murders Medical Director
Yet another callous remark from Trump, this time using a man’s death to further his conspiracy theories about Obama’s birth. Well done, dickwad. I’m sure his family can grieve properly now that you’ve offered your condolences on their loved one’s untimely demise.
March 2014 – *Science Weeps*
This one boils my blood, because I don’t think the English language has enough foul words for anti-vaxxers. We’ve seen his treatment of disabled people, so I’m guessing his links to autism are like the MMR jab’s – non-existent. Though he’s got one thing right: it’s surprising just how much damage one little prick can do.
August 2014 – Ebola Betrayal
While concern about Ebola’s spread is fair, this tweet from 2014 flies so wide of the mark. It shows what we all now know: a total disregard for American citizens. It seems that stepping foot on foreign soil is enough reason for him to cast their welfare aside. People must suffer the consequences of their philanthropy. I assume this includes the 3000 US troops sent out there who are just following orders.
December 2015 – United Kingdom of Islam
I kinda enjoy this tweet, because to me it shows how badly Trump judges things. The UK is doing its best to thwart Trump – from the Scot who put a Mexican flag in his garden that borders Trump’s golf course, to those signing petitions to keep him out. Why on earth he thinks he can speak about or for us is baffling, but I revel in his attempts.
March 2016 – Cruzing For a Bruising
This was a hot Twitter war back a year ago. A Facebook page (unrelated to Republican candidate Ted Cruz) posted a near nude photo of Trump’s wife from a GQ shoot, asking if the US wanted her as First Lady, if not vote Cruz. Trump decided Cruz himself was behind it, and felt attacking Cruz’s wife was the gentlemanly thing to do. There’s nothing he won’t stoop to. Tweeting the most unflattering photo of her next to Melania, he said he’d ‘spill the beans’ on Heidi Cruz – we still have no clue what those are.
November 2016 – SNL GSOH
Finally, just because I love it when he does a 180, here’s his most recent tweet about SNL. Apparently he hate’s Alec Baldwin’s (genius) impression of him and believe’s the show to be biased and isn’t funny at all. Strange then that back in 2015 he couldn’t contain his adoration for the show after hosting it. Good work Donaldo.
*which he believes should carry a year long prison sentence and cost someone citizenship
† No seriously, have a look at some of the things Donald Trump Jr. says
The post Trump’s Tweets: Making Memory Lane a Nightmare Since 2009 appeared first on Felix Magazine.
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