Why Are British Politics So Boring?

I’ve always assumed that American politics were so much more exciting than British because the votes mattered more. With increasingly disparate parties, losing the vote means losing representation across the board. It’s not just a matter of differing on a couple of issues. You’re voting for an entire life outlook..

With so much riding on the vote, elections become a show of both sparkle and shit-slinging. They’re out to recruit by every means possible. They use dazzle, defamation, and dubious facts. It’s like watching a Jerry Springer show that we get a part in: who wouldn’t watch?

British politics are more like reruns of Dad’s Army. A former institution whose jokes are as old as the players and only your grandad keeps watching, hoping to recall those glory days. There’s a real essence of stagnation; while I resent and reject Trump’s rise to power, I can’t deny he’s a cog in an ever-changing machine.

If you can cast your mind back to childhood physics lessons, you may recall Newton’s third law. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction – and it doesn’t just work for science. Obama’s election set in motion something huge. You don’t just get to make a liberal black guy the most powerful man on earth without repercussions from the other side. Whether we like it or not, Trump’s win is that equal and opposite reaction. 

In Britain, we haven’t got action we’ve got apathy. Both sides represent a middle ground that gets no hearts pumping. The only thing that did was Brexit, and look where that’s got us. We voted in greater numbers than ever before, but after the decision was in, both sides knew the fire would go out when handed to our politicians.

Why is that? Well, our politicians hardly invite support. Most of them are representative of an elite none of us have much say in. They spend far more time trying to appear human than sorting out the system. We don’t like them and they sure as hell don’t seem to like us. Its the whole reason the US were tempted to hand over power to a non-politician.

However, despite suggestions to the contrary, Trump isn’t the first businessman to turn his hand to politics. Australia is currently suffering under their attempt to run the country like a business, with multi-millionaire mogul Malcolm Turnbull as PM. His approval ratings have not stopped dropping since his election in 2016 and continue to sink. Trump’s not even the first US president with a business background. So much for that idea.

The ennui doesn’t stop at our government: it’s the same with our monarchy. I’m not saying we should go back to intrigues, incest and insidious deeds, but you have to admit things were a lot more interesting back in the day. Now we have the longest reigning living monarch on earth and it shows. Does anyone much care if Charles gets the throne? Even William has become less shiny as his head’s got more so. It’s been Kate and Harry that have kept public interest alive. They’re much needed injections of novelty and youth into an archaic and stagnant system, nazi costumes aside. 

So what’s the answer for British politics? Do we get Tories and Liberals making slander TV adverts? Get Alan Sugar to give running the country a go? Certainly not. Apart from being rather un-British, the undisguised disgust for opponents is what drove the latest US election into the ground. Neither candidate came out winning. Instead, most voters ended up feeling unclean as they cast their ballot – irrevocably involved in something mean and cruel that they couldn’t endorse.

What we need instead is Botox, injected right into the heart of both the British government and how we report on it. We need a new consignment of pan-demographic politicians. They’ll go relatively unnoticed for some time, except in their constituencies, until they go for the big guns. People like Jo Cox, until her untimely death, and Mhairi Black. They’re the ones who listen and eventually get heard, and they’re the ones who will get us interested, invested and involved.

We also desperately need a better platform for politics. It’s noticeable how few programmes we have dedicated to political coverage. America has done great things on this side. The Daily Show combines comedy and politics and has got people watching and caring about politics from the get go. Now people like John Oliver have joined the fray and are making a real difference. Yet we don’t have any such thing here. I had high hopes for Channel 4’s 10 O’Clock Live show, but it flopped and ended up forgotten. According to some, there just wasn’t enough fire and anger in British politics to carry a whole show. Perhaps there is now.

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