“Sorry!” How many times do you sidestep?

‘It’s just a jump to the left, and then a step to the right!` We’ve all been there before. You’re rushing to or from the tube on a busy pavement and someone is coming headlong towards you. One of you has to sidestep. But you don’t want to be awkward, so you get out of the way as soon as you notice. Except, ten feet away, they’ve done the same and you’re level again. You try again, so do they. Just, just- agh! You make eye contact, smile and nod appreciatively. So follows the eternal word ‘sorry.’

It is constant. What resembles a dance move occurs repeatedly with all the social awkwardness of the blind leading the blind. We look at just how many times you sidestep on the way to work.

For tall and thin people, or anyone with a bag or in heels, the top-heavy weight distribution means this results in frequent collisions and general embarrassment.

At Home

The first time you sidestep can be before you have even left your front door. If you live in shared accommodation, with kitchen, bathroom, staircase and front door all hotly contested spaces in the morning, you will likely have done the ‘S’ thing and said the ‘S’ word a few times over.

Your comatose state gives you all the grace of a bowling ball knocking between raised barriers.

At the Tube Station

People are coming out. You weave between them. People are cramming for the barriers. You crab-walk between around three possibles and maybe the disabled gate. On the escalator someone needs more space.

At the bottom you will likely encounter the ‘Tube Bash and Dash’ from The Dicks of London Transport. As everyone gets off the train you make room. While ‘sorry’ is unlikely to be used in this situation, the sidestep is deployed liberally.

On the Bus

Maybe you have in your eagerness slipped in front of an old lady unknowingly, this is more backstep and sidestep with apology. People are coming down the stairs and you make way. There is also the shift to let someone out when in the aisle seat.

On the Overground

This is more a case of eyeing up seats. Even that ‘bum-rest’ is highly competitive. Less sidestep, more tensing to move only to halt as the seat is taken and you have to style it out like you weren’t so keen.

In Town

We are all absorbed into our phones. From international affairs, to starting work early to Tinder and Candycrush, the opportunities for head-on collision are rife. Many people seem to be able to evade these in heels, which shows a feat in itself.

We walk faster in London as a population since we have further to go and more to do. Sometimes it can feel like skating on a greasy floor where you have to feel the current and push off one way and hold off on another, more speed, less speed.

The Corner

An ‘event horizon’ is the name for what can be seen when travelling around a bend or corner. Take two people, equally distracted and in a rush, heading towards the same corner from opposite directions- you get the picture. This sidestep is a manoeuvre where your inner captain shouts to the engine room ‘Halt! Reverse! Rudder! Damage report?’ Basically the same counter-productive movements that sealed the fate of the Titanic. The effect here is much the same as at least one of you just lost your cappuccino.

The post “Sorry!” How many times do you sidestep? appeared first on Felix Magazine.